Only

if I had only known how it felt to be young

if I had only known the warmth in your touch

if I had only known how it all would end

and where I would have to begin, again

if I had only known hearts were so fragile

if I had only lived outside of hurt

and where I would have to end

if I had only known how it felt to be young

if I could’ve had one more year with you

would it be different now

if I had only known your time out here was done

now how I’d love you

nothing prepared me for being yours

I hold fast to the photographs, the memory

of your laugh, your scent, your gentle hands

lifting me to the sky

if I had only been old enough than to tell you

you could have me, keep me

but things happen for a reason

I have to believe that,

your memory makes me stronger—it

tells me I was wanted

if I had only known how it would’ve felt

to always be yours,

there was no saving you

but I could have loved you

why were we not given the chance

if I had only known you how lost you were

if I had only loved your tender heart

I let your ghost hold me on nights I can’t take

I let your voice drown out the others

and you hush me to sleep

you’re strong in your girls’ hearts

don’t you know

do you know that

you’re in us, we miss you

without you we learned how to live by

necessity, we learned sometimes love doesn’t

come in time

and then it gets too late

for weathered hearts

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2 thoughts on “Only

  1. I know I’ve said it before, Amy, but I really do admire your ability to lay it all out when you write. I find it very difficult to say what I’m thinking/feeling in a direct way; it makes me feel extremely vulnerable. I lost my step-father very suddenly when I was younger, and I’ve never been able to stop asking myself the same questions you’ve asked here. It feels good to read them outside of myself. Thanks for sharing.

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